11/2-11/3

11/2
On this day I'm thankful for my friend Elizabeth. In the past I've done a generic shout out to all my friends, but to differentiate, I'm going to be more specific this year.

Elizabeth is awesome. She is a great listener and knows how to empathize and support in ways that many people never will. She's been through a lot of heartache, and although I wish that wasn't the case, it's made her very perceptive and sensitive to others. Also - she is so fun! She can always crack me up and has a love of some of the same dorky things I do - Harry Potter, zombies, silly pop culture references.... I'm so thankful I met her on our fateful first day of work at the ISU College of Business.

11/3
I'm thankful for some hard lessons I've learned in my life. The kind of things that come out of intense crisis or heartache that once you get through it, you realize you've come out a better person.

The specific lesson I'm grateful for is how to determine the best way to be there for someone in a way that meets THEIR needs and not just YOURS. I've learned that while most attempts to comfort someone are completely well intentioned and done with love, the comforter may not always consider what is best for the person in crisis - they just default to what feels good to them as a comforter. For many that means giving a hug and reassurances and trying to bring the other person up with optimism and hope. But the person in crisis might just need someone to listen, and not judge or negate what they say with optimism, but just let them wade through their feelings. Certainly, this type of comfort doesn't feel as good to the comforter - the person they're comforting is still in pain and they can't walk away feeling like them accomplished much in terms of optimism or hope. But when they consider what their friend in crisis really NEEDS at that time, they've done a much bigger service by responding to that instead of applying generic, good-feeling comfort that may not be welcome.

I truly believe that sometimes you need to get through some bad, dark feelings before you can get through to the other side. And while it's not healthy to wallow for too long, I do think it's important to honor that time and respect that it's a part of the healing process, instead of trying to rush through it and be happy again. While it's not fun to learn these hard lessons, I'm glad I know now and I hope I can help a friend by being a better comforter when the time comes.