kmariem: Former Due Date Milestone

Once again, we've been pretty busy. I think things will start to slow down a little now, especially since I'm at the point where I really don't want to be traveling much in the near future due to my fairly constant state of mild discomfort and as time goes on, wanting to stay closer to home for Baby C's arrival!

Last weekend Caleb and I celebrated our six year wedding anniversary - apart. Caleb was in Nashville at a bachelor party, and I traveled to Chicago for a work conference, and we happened to just miss each other as we traveled to and from on Sunday. We'll find a way to celebrate quietly this weekend.... just staying in and being together sounds amazing.

Last week was a bit of a roller coaster for me... I had my midwife appointment on Tuesday, where I shared that I was measuring a little big, and by Wednesday I was feeling pretty anxious that I was too big, and that meant I must have gestational diabetes and was growing a monster baby that I'd never be able to give birth to.

By Thursday I had calmed down some, only to realize that I had forgotten a significant milestone on Wednesday, June 1 - the due date of my first pregnancy. As soon as I realized it, I was pretty upset. I took some time over my lunch break to take a walk, cry, grieve, and process. Even though I don't feel ready to meet Baby C yet, it hurt to realize that had I not lost my first pregnancy, I could have been a mom right now. I could have been holding my baby.

After some grieving and reliving of the miscarriage, I ended up being able to come back to where I am now - Baby C is technically "viable," and we are both doing good with this pregnancy. As I thought about her, she moved and kicked a little, and I ended up holding my belly and repeating over and over, "We're gonna be ok." I probably looked like a crazy person walking around a park, holding my belly, crying and talking to myself, but oh well. I'm so incredibly thankful to be this far along on my former due date, and I feel for those who reach that milestone without being pregnant again - I can't imagine the heartbreak.

As I thought about Caleb and I's relationship on our anniversary last Sunday, I reflected on how much we've grown since we've been together (12 years together and 6 years married). I have to admit, I think that the miscarriage ended up being a point of growth for our relationship. I do still have some guilt at how much I had to rely and lean on Caleb as I struggled through it, but I ultimately think we came out of it stronger. Caleb showed me how empathetic and supportive he could be, and I feel like I came out of the experience so incredibly grateful for him that we both are now more patient, considerate, and loving towards each other. Not that we weren't before, but going through this maybe made us realize how important we were to each other and helped us push aside some of the little resentments or bickering things that can sometimes build up in relationships. I've also enjoyed how sweet he's been as I make my way through this pregnancy, and it makes me excited to see how sweet and loving he'll be with Baby Girl C.

Well, this post definitely got deep and sappy....... I actually had some ideas about the nursery and stuff that I thought I'd put in here, but I'll save it for another post. For now I'll try to end on a high note again with some pictures. Until next time!