I feel like even though I've made huge leaps and bounds in the past year or two, that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I'm an emotional eater, a bored eater, a crappy eater, an obsessive eater... hell, I just love to eat.
But when I slip up sometimes, I really get down on myself. Not only do I usually feel physically ill after ingesting crappy food, but I beat myself up and get all down about it afterward. Like today - my main meals were fine, but I ate so much chocolate tonight it made me sick (although looking back, it takes much less chocolate these days to do that to me than in the past). I also ate a huge amount of buttered popcorn - right after eating a very filling dinner of vegetable-laden soup and some cherries for dessert.
And now my stomach hurts and I feel all guilty, and like I let myself down. Why oh why do I keep doing this to myself? I do it regularly.
I wonder if I should just go back to tracking my food. That was really the most reliable way for me to realize what I was doing, monitor myself, and give myself limits. It's a total pain in the ass, but if it works, I should really just suck it up and do it. A little inconvenience is better than gaining weight and beating myself up every few days...
4 comments:
i totally know what you mean--i used to be the exact same way and sometimes my evil food habits come back to haunt me. i'm over it (for the most part). eating things that satisfy me, focusing mostly on how i feel when i eat (not calories, fat content, etc...) and not being so hard on myself when i mess up is how i got over it. but it seems like you're doing well otherwise, that body fat measurement was great! so keep up the good exercising work and good luck with the food thing.
Thanks, Amy... I could really tell in the last few years that you've changed your eating habits [for the better], continued to stay active, and it shows. You look really good! I just need to relax, let smart choices come to me eventually, and stop beating myself up. It's just not natural for me yet. The ever-perfectionist. I know you know how that feels too! :)
I'm so proud of you it's ridiculous. You ran a half marathon. You ran 13 miles without stopping. You were dedicated enough to train yourself to that point. You go to hour long boot camp classes and do workouts at work and have 15% body fat. And that's amazing. So it concerns me a little that you can go from a post about your ridiculously super awesome body fat percentage to a post about eating bad. Maybe it's what you're not saying that concerns me the most. How much chocolate and how much popcorn did you eat and why were you eating it? Did you have an extremely healthy and fabulous dinner and then watch a movie with Caleb and indulge with two brownies and 1 bag of popcorn? Or did you eat an entire pan of brownies and two bags of popcorn by yourself on the couch because you were bored or lonely or whatever? Either of those options could mean you have a problem. The first would be taking your healthiness to a perfectionist extreme that punishes you for indulgences and doesn't allow you to reward yourself for already being hot and awesome. I mean, I know you still have areas you probably want to work on, but ... you have 15% body fat and if you really had a problem with eating I don't think that would be possible. Unless your body is craving certain kinds of fats you're not letting yourself have?
If it's the other, if you ate a huge pan of brownies maybe it's time to write a post trying to examine what leads you to eat so much. We've both talked about not having very many friends in our new locations and it can become easy to turn to food for comfort, or out of boredom. Maybe you can look for a new way to focus your energy with a hobby of some sort. Start knitting! :)
I don't know. I love you and I support you in your desire to have a super hot bod (even though, in my eyes, you already have one) but I just want you to be careful about letting your health become your perfectionist hobby. It's hard enough to define what perfect health is. But I agree that tracking your food would be a good idea, then you can allow yourself that brownie at the end of the day when you've been so good and you still have 300 calories to spare. Because I don't want you to beat yourself up, but I don't want anyone, ever, to be deprived of the joy of a good brownie.
Keep rockin' it, because that's what you're doing, and I'm sure you'll be at the weight you want by your honeymoon.
You're right, it's probably the first one. Looking back, I didn't eat an insane amount, but definitely too much for me that night. The stomach cramps were very real, while the guilt may have been exaggerated. I've gone back to tracking since, and seen results... I'm just trying to find a balance, and you're right, I should probably devote some more time celebrating my successes rather than tearing myself down for small disappointments.
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