Looking Up

Things have been going a lot better the last week. After my meltdown and subsequent realignment, I'm feeling a lot better.... or I've just slipped back into my denial phase. Which, whatever. It works.

We had a fabulous baby shower with friends at Firetrucker Brewery in Ankeny. It was fairly small and low key (compared to the others), with good friends and food and beer (and punch for me). It was just what we wanted - a relaxed, fun time with friends before Baby comes. I just wish we had taken a few more pictures!

Me: Are you really wearing that shirt? Caleb: It's my shower too!

This last weekend was very much about getting last minute things done. So the nursery is all decorated (pictures below), I picked up final things for Baby at the store and online, and packed my hospital bag. 

Baby C's bunny on the left and my bunny from childhood (named Bunny, of course) on the right.

Caleb also got all the windows stained, started on deck staining stuff, and ordered a new dishwasher. We also went on a couple date nights to the movies. We saw Star Trek Beyond and Suicide Squad.

I have been emotional lately, but not in an anxious way - more just easily set off or tears are right under the surface. This last weekend I watched a few movies at home and did some ugly crying, and it felt pretty good! LOL... I can tell that my mind is set firmly in babybabybaby mode for everything. As in, I watched A Walk to Remember, and [spoiler alert], when Mandy Moore's character died I cried of course, but I was mostly thinking, "I bet they wanted to have babies together and she died before they could!" The movie didn't mention babies at all, but that was my main thought. Also watched My Girl and the idea of parents dealing with a child dying..... can't. If I let myself go there, I can start to get worked up over the idea of anything happening to Baby C, and having this weird fear of not being able to protect her in my belly any more after she's born. A friend told me, "When you have a child, it feels like your heart is running around outside your body." Which sounds terrifying.

In general though, I am feeling calmer and more prepared, and physically actually feeling really good too. Which is nice, but I hope it doesn't mean that Baby plans to camp out way past her due date. I do feel reassured that at this point, if I did go into labor, Baby should be just fine. 

I recently saw on Facebook that a couple we know had their baby five weeks early, so the baby has to be in the NICU for about two weeks. They are all doing fine and the baby is coming along nicely and is being very well taken care of in the NICU, but I really feel for them. It had to be so scary to go into labor that early, and they haven't been able to hold him much at all since he needs to be in his incubator as his lungs develop. The thought of not being able to immediately hold my baby and to hold her whenever I want absolutely breaks my heart. When I think about it I immediately cry for them. Again, they are all ok and he will come home in about a week, but man, it has to be tough. It makes me thankful to make it this far.

Here I am yesterday morning at 38 weeks and 1 day.... now it's T-12 days til due date... almost there, Baby. We get to meet you so soon!