3.5 months

Time has been flying. I've been back at work full time for a month, and it's been good. It was a hard transition from seeing my baby 24/7 to just a few hours a day (and not many awake), but I've definitely been feeling more like myself. Although lately I feel like I've maybe swung to the other end of the pendulum - I was working out after work and Caleb was picking her up from daycare, and then I'd get home and she'd nap and I'd get stuff ready for the next day, and then it would be bedtime and I'd barely see her! So I'm going to try to shift my workout to maybe after she goes to bed at home, if I'm not too tired. I just miss her and she is getting so fun, I don't want to miss out on playing with her while she's awake at night.

Lenny did well for the most part when we traveled for Thanksgiving, except for one fateful trip from Omaha to Creston where we stopped many a time to nurse and change diapers, and someone was fussy and didn't want to sleep for like 90% of the ride. But we survived. We had a good Christmas, and Eleanor was a champ at sleeping in the car during road trips. The worst part was that on Christmas Day, Eleanor was sick with her first fever! We think it was a stomach bug, and she also has a little cold. She mostly slept all day and had some pretty awful diapers, and luckily her fever broke at the end of the day and she's been ok since. It was mostly scary for Mom and Dad!

She has been getting SO FUN lately. She smiles and laughs all the time, likes to talk and use her voice, and loves playing with toys. She loves baths and likes to smile at herself in the mirror. She is starting to sit up more is also standing up on our laps a lot. She likes daycare, and her teachers say she likes to watch the other kids and "talk" to them, and likes playing with toys. Most of the time, she's sleeping much better since starting daycare - we think it just wears her out. She usually goes to bed around 7:45 and wakes up around 2:00 to nurse, and then we wake her around 6:00 for the day. She's slept through the night a couple times though, which is always a nice surprise!

Overall, I've been...... ok. Motherhood has been a time of extremes for me, with lots of exhaustion, anxiety, guilt, and questioning myself, but also pure joy and delight at watching Eleanor play and smile, and loving her cuddles, baby smell, and sweet little face. I know this is all normal, but that doesn't make it easy. I do feel much more bonded to her - like now I feel like she is just the best, most perfect thing in the whole world. I want to do everything right by her, which I know is unattainable, but is just part of what I'm working through as I navigate how to deal with my new life as a mother. We'll continue to figure things out as we go, but for now I'm glad I'm still talking with a counselor and trying to practice self-care and compassion.

And now for some pictures of our growing, smiley girl!