Almost immediately after I posted my happy post a week ago, things got bad, fast. I had a breakdown that next week about school, to the point that I checked if I was still able to drop one of my classes – I was too late. Work was stressful, homework was overwhelming, and I was just falling apart. I think I’ve decided that I will not be taking two classes at a time again, and my Master’s will just have to take longer.
In my head, this also means that having children is further out on our horizon. I don’t know that we would have been ready to have kids in two years, but I liked knowing that it would at least be an option. As my mother pointed out, I seem to view school and kids as mutually exclusive, so it looks like kids may be more like four years out, unless I drastically change my mindset. Which might be fine – 29 or 30 is definitely not too old to start having kids.
One thing that definitely adds to my stress is that I haven’t quite found a balance in my life yet, since moving. My work duties are erratic and change every day and every week, which is difficult for me, as I can crave routine at times. I also don’t have a class/homework/workout/social/home routine yet, and I just don’t quite feel as settled as I’d like to be, considering the stresses in my life.
I know this is good for me – I get better with change each time I confront it. But for me, “better” doesn’t always mean “good.” So I’m trying to establish my own routines and schedule, and hopefully that will make me feel more grounded and not so detached and stressed.
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