Eloise's Birth Story

So it's been almost a year since I last posted here.... and needless to say, some things have happened. The Carroll family is now complete as a family of four - we welcomed Eloise Marie Carroll into our lives on December 12th at 12:54 AM. "Lou" weighed 7 lbs, 15 oz and was 21 inches long.

My pregnancy with her was ok.... similar to my pregnancy with Lenny, I was sick for a little ways past the first half, but I was on better anti-nausea meds this time around. I also had pelvic issues (pubic symphysis and SI joint pain) again, but I went to an amazing physical therapist who specializes in helping pregnant and postpartum women with pelvic and core issues, so that helped a lot. I did have some anxiety about bringing in a new baby to our family, and going through the newborn/postpartum time again, so I returned to counseling as well. I also dealt with some PTSD about Lenny's birth as my next birth approached. (Link to that birth story here.) But I'm happy to report that this birth was a completely different story.

For my second birth, my goal was to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean section) instead of a repeat c-section. Many doctors do not do VBACs because of the [low] risk of uterine rupture. I wanted to give birth vaginally, like I wanted for Lenny's birth, and I wanted a better birth experience and recovery than last time. While a c-section this time would still be better than my previous birth experience, I wanted to avoid surgery if possible.

TLDR: I had a VBAC after a 46 hour labor and I'm pretty happy about it.

Sunday, December 9

• My due date came and went. I went to my prenatal yoga class, where they had a woman come speak about mother blessings. She did a beautiful henna design on my belly in honor of my due date that day, which made me feel so special and was a great way to mark Lou's due date.
• I had had a doctor's appointment the Friday before, where I was checked for cervical dilation and was only dilated to 1cm, which was not very encouraging to me. So I did not think anything was going to happen anytime soon.

Monday, December 10

• I woke up around 4:00 AM to painless but noticeable contractions that were about 10 minutes apart, that continued until I got out of bed at 6:45 AM.
• When I got out of bed, I felt a small gush come out of me. When I went to the bathroom, it was definitely not pee and it was tinged pink. I was excited and hopeful that this was my water breaking!
• Caleb and I took Lenny to daycare and called my doctor when they opened at 8:00 AM. They wanted me to come in to check if it was my water breaking, so we headed up to Ames.
• Note: I had previously received care at a clinic in Ankeny that delivered at Mercy Hospital in Des Moines, but I did not feel supported by the doctors to get a VBAC, so I transferred to Mary Greeley hospital in Ames at 35 weeks.
• When we got to the hospital, they confirmed that my water had broken and I was in labor. The rest of the day, we tried to get labor progressing naturally - lots of walking, squatting, lunging, pelvic tilts, and even some nipple stimulation with a breast pump to try to get contractions to really kick off. 
• Contractions continued and got closer together, but were not painful or "productive". Towards the end of the day, our doula, Shawna, arrived. She had already let us know that she wasn't able to stay for the whole birth, and also her backup doula was sick. So she called another doula, Kim, to be our backup-backup. We ended up loving her and are so glad she was our doula for this birth. 
• Around 4:00 PM, at the suggestion of our doctor and doula, we decided to start Pitocin to get contractions moving so labor could progress. At that point I had not dilated any more so we needed to keep things moving.
• Shortly after we decided to start Pitocin, we got some bad news - our doctor, who is one of just a few who supports VBACs at the hospital, was not able to be there that night. The doctor who was there did not do VBACs and refused to order Pitocin for me. He was fine if I continued to let labor progress on its own, but we knew we needed something else to keep going.
• At this point, I was very upset and felt like my hopes for a VBAC were lost. We essentially were told to try to get some sleep that night, and see how things looked in the morning. We hoped that contractions would pick up on their own, but with how little I was dilated and how things had been going, I felt sure I would wake up in the morning to a c-section.

Tuesday, December 11

• I didn't really get any sleep that night, but around 2:00 AM my contractions started to increase in intensity and frequency on their own, so I got out of bed and worked through them. We called Kim, our doula, back from home where she was also getting some rest.
• At 8:00 AM my doctor was back in, so she let us start Pitocin. I was surprised because by then, my water had been broken for over 24 hours and I didn't think she'd let me keep going with how little dilated I was. I had to re-wrap my head around the fact that I was going to keep working towards a vaginal birth.
• Once the Pitocin started, my contractions immediately became very intense and frequent, but I was still not very dilated. I managed contractions as well as I could with comfort techniques from Caleb and our doula, but after a couple hours I knew I needed something to relax and let me get some rest to continue with labor.
• Around 10:00 AM, I got an epidural. And it was amazing. It blew my mind how different it was from the epidural I had with Lenny, that clearly didn't work at all. The relief was almost immediate and I was able to relax and kind of sleep for the rest of the day, while they continued to increase Pitocin so my contractions continued and my cervix continued to dilate.
• The rest of the day I mostly rested and changed positions often. I focused on relaxing and resting as my body continued to progress.
• That evening I started feeling a lot of pressure in my butt and vagina, which was a good sign because baby was getting lower in the birth canal and my cervix was dilating further. I didn't expect all the pressure in my butt though, and asked more than once to make sure that the baby couldn't come out my butt. At this point my doctor was out again for the night shift, but this time there was another doctor there who would do VBACs, so we were good to go.
• As it neared midnight, the pressure was very intense and I was starting to feel the urge to push. They checked my cervix one last time, and I was fully dilated to 10 cm. I could barely believe it - until then, I honestly did not believe that my body would ever give birth vaginally - that it was incapable of doing so.
• Once they said I could start pushing, it was really difficult and strange for me. Because I had an epidural, I couldn't feel the full urge to push or the full force of contractions very well, so I relied on our nurse to direct me. I also didn't completely know how to push at first. Once a contraction started, I would take a deep breath, hold it, and then bear down for 10 seconds. I did that three times per contraction. It was hard to hold my breath and hard to know if I was pushing correctly. I kept telling the nurse to just "tell me what to do".
• I pushed in a few positions, first trying side-lying, then I wanted to try squatting, but with the epidural and how tired I was, I couldn't hold myself up. The position I was in the most they called "tug of war," where I was on my back with my feet on the squat bar, and they tied a sheet around the squat bar for me to pull on. When a contraction came, I pulled myself up on the sheet and pushed, and the counter pressure worked well. Towards the end, I ended up holding my thighs up towards my chest while I pushed, and that is how I ended up pushing baby out.
• I was SO TIRED while pushing - so extremely exhausted that I felt like I pretty much passed out between each round of pushing during a contraction. I kept thinking (and saying) that I couldn't do it. I still actually believed that I wouldn't be able to push the baby out, and that at some point they would have to wheel me out and perform a c-section. 
• I also was very discouraged when they told me that baby was getting lower in the pelvis - I thought that when you started pushing, the baby would be much closer to the opening of your vagina, and the thought that she was high in my pelvis really discouraged me. I thought I would have to push for HOURS to get her out, which seemed impossible. But Caleb, our doula, the nurses, and the doctor talked me through it, and I kept going. At one point they said that once the baby was past the pelvic bone, it went a lot faster, so I probably asked them a thousand times if she was getting close to the pelvic bone.

Wednesday, December 12

• After a while, they said they could see her hair - and that it was dark! That made me really excited, because I had thought that both of my babies would have dark hair (clearly Lenny did not). They brought in a mirror for me to see. I originally never thought I'd want to see what was happening down there during birth, but being able to see the top of her head with her dark hair was so encouraging - I was doing it! She was so close to coming out! That glimpse of her head was enough to make me stop talking, focus, and power through the rest of the pushing.
• All during the pushing, the doctor was performing perineal massage, which is essentially stretching out your vagina for baby to come through and helps prevent tearing. It felt awful, like burning. But as baby's head was about to come through, I don't even remember that hurting much, because I was so close.
• Usually, once the baby's head comes out, they want you to stop pushing so they can turn the baby a bit for the rest of the body to come out. But at that point, I was so in the zone that I couldn't stop. I think her head must have come out in the middle of a set of three pushes, because I vaguely remember hearing the doctor say "whoa whoa whoa," but I couldn't stop, so she ended up rocketing out.
• After she came out, they immediately laid her on me. At that point, I honestly could not believe what had just happened - I was in shock/denial that I had actually pushed her out. I was freaking out and didn't even know how to react. I was breathing crazily and at one point turned to Caleb and asked, "What just happened?!" He said, "You had a baby!"
• Once they cut the cord I was able to hold her on my chest and look at her, but at the same time, I had to deliver the placenta and get stitched up. Delivering the placenta was no joke - it hurt a lot. I had a 2nd degree tear, which they said is pretty typical for first time vaginal births, so getting that stitched up also didn't feel great.
• I was able to do our first feeding together very soon after she was born, and then the nurses took her for a while so we could all get some sleep.

I'm so happy that I was able to have a VBAC. While I would never judge anyone getting a c-section, it felt like a personal accomplishment to me to be able to have a vaginal birth. And granted - it wasn't the "natural", medication-free birth I had planned on and thought I wanted - but that's ok.

My recovery has been so much better this time around and I'm immensely grateful to the doctors, nurses, our doula, and Caleb for helping make this happen. My recovery and the timing of the birth allowed us to attend our family Christmases and get through coming home to a toddler and a newborn. I don't know how we would have made it if I was laid up from recovery after a c-section surgery. Lenny also got sick right after Christmas and was eventually diagnosed with RSV, so we had to quarantine ourselves separately so Lou wouldn't be infected by Lenny. It was not fun.

I have to give a big shout out to my sister, Kim, who lived with us for two weeks after the birth and helped us with both Lenny and Lou so we could get some sleep. I already miss her so much, not just for her help with the kids, but for her friendship and companionship while she was here. She is a great listener and I'm so thankful to have her as my sister. I hope that Lenny and Lou become as close as we are someday.

So right now, we are sleep deprived, stressed, and aren't quite sure how to function as a family of four. But everything will change as the days go by, and we will continue to find new "normals" again and again. If nothing else, children force you to let go, accept change, and appreciate the little victories as they come. While I'm definitely looking forward to more sleep and more of a schedule or "normalcy," I'm trying hard to enjoy my little cuddly baby as much as I can right now. As you can see in the pictures below, she doesn't make it all that hard.......